One glass of warm lemon juice (without honey or sugar), 1 cup of (tasteless) green tea, 2 cups of (Sugarfree) tea, 1 glass of (vile) vegetable juice --- Loaded with all this, Virtue and my lunch of 3 (small) rotis and methi saag, I arrived at office. All hell broke lose before I could even press the switch-on button of my comp. It was going to be one of those Hell-in-Office days. Grappling with panic, I asked Anup to quickly get me a greasy chicken patti from the cafe downstairs. The crisis continued and by mid-morning, I felt an acute need to finish the 3 (small) rotis and saag. A little later, by way of a much-deserved break, I went up to the cafeteria and had another (not-so-small) roti, kadhi and chicken, washed down with a Diet Coke (today, I absolutely need one). Back at my desk Anup asked if I needed a coffee. Yes, yes of course, and please get me a paan as well. At 5 o'clock, the girls ordered samosa and chaat from Gupta dhaba downstairs. I said, absolutely not, I cannot have samosas or chaat. I had a double egg sandwich, instead. Staggering home, crisis far from over, I had 4 glasses of chilled white wine (I really need it) followed by a dinner of Kerala rice, sambar and sabzi, touched up with home made ghee. Exhausted by a hard day's work, I fell into bed, and dreamt of making pizza from scratch.... Some months ago, I was on a diet with nutritionist Ishi Khosla, and needed to note down my eating history each day, including the teeny meeny bite of pizza. Such nightmare days of eating would have set off convulsions in Ishi. I'm glad to spare her the pain. She's a good sort and effective too. Believe it or not, I managed to drop the 15 kgs that I was carrying around as excess baggage when I was listening to Ishi. But now we don't talk amy more. I just eat. And drink. Here's a basic truth for all Good Housekeeping weight-loss aspirants: you have to simply control your eating. No amount of speed-walking, jogging or gyming is unlikely to see you past the creamy chocolate mousse or double cheese pizza. There's no hidden trick to facilitate control-eating. You just have to do it. It's difficult. But that's it. Since I parted ways with Ishi, I also ended my love affair with the weighing scales. I don't know when we will be friends again. Till then, I eat on.

In the car to the office this morning, I was thinking of relationships and what strange unexpected twists and turns they may take in the course of a person's journey through life. I remember we had carried a story on verbal abuse in a marriage; it was a lift from our US edition but I thought it might find an echo. Sure enough, a reader wrote us a wonderfully sensitive letter saying that she had just walked out of her seven-year marriage largely because she could not take the verbal abuse any more, and that she was heartened to read the article on the issue. Abuse in a marriage of course takes on various hues. Verbal abuse is difficult to 'measure' or label and is relative. What seems to be black and white is of course, physical abuse. But here's a thought: is a shove, a push, a slapping on the arm 'physical abuse'? Is a one-time event 'physical abuse'? And more significantly, could the trigger have been too much or enough to provoke the abuse? Here of course I am not referring to the habitual wife-beater but more the one-time perpetrator. I have come across three cases of physical abuse in the last few months. In each, while the psychological horror of the act virtually paralysed the victim, neither the victim nor the friends and supporters, paused to examine whther there was any possibility of the provocation being enough to push a normally sane individual over the edge. I am not advocating or supporting abuse in a marriage at all, however these are things to consider before slamming on accusations of vile spouse-beater. Having said that, in all three cases, this would really be more of an academic discussion since the scars from the abuse remain and continue to haunt each set of individuals. Their relationships may not be over for life, but have definitely been changed for life... If you visit this blog space, do leave your comments or thoughts

ON FRIENDS & FRIENDSHIPS

For the 2007 anniversary issue of Good Housekeeping we had Kajol and Karan on the cover... Some may think that's an unusual pair to be featured on GH cover. I mean, isn't it a magazine of and for women who play out successful roles as wives, mothers and professionals? Where does friendship, and that too between man and woman, find space in this world? But the cover worked and we got plenty of responses not just to Kajol but to the fact that we had pegged it around friendship. I was delighted. Of course, women, even GH women(!), have a life that goes beyond home, family and office. Friendships can bring Happiness, a core motivation, and part of the stapline of the magazine... Recently, I have had some jolts on the friendship front and that's what set me thinking of this. I felt let down by someone who I had considered a friend: Someone who brings you joy and laughter, a person one can let one's guard down with, someone you can call when in need without a second's pause, someone you can think out loud with and say whimsical, contradictory nothings to, knowing it won't go further and will be taken in the right spirit... Of course, 'let down' is a relative idea but I still feel bad. However, to take life lessons on holding back trust is something I'll skip; the hurt's too little to change myself at this late age! The incident of course had a good side: I remembered all those who I like sufficiently to want to keep in touch with, and called them up, jlt. They of course, poor things, were happily surprised, quite unsuspecting of the trigger. It also made me value someone who keeps up with her vast network of friends, her work and life situations, notwithstanding. I'm happy to be part of is special network.

To get back to the purpose of this blog... When I started off, I planned on making it a chatty, funny interaction. Clearly, I have meandered offtrack. Will try best, next time!

My son Bihu (he prefers Agastya) turns 13 today. So far, he's a funny, loving, warm, easy-going (too easy going, says Ma'am), indisciplined, short tempered person. He adds dimension and interest to my life. In Good Housekeeping, we're of course constantly talking of family. In most editions of the magazine worldwide, the section Good Family talks solely of children. So is 'family' synonymous with children? And are you incomplete as a couple if you don't have children? I think not. The people you grow up with, live long years with, is your family. Also, consider why most people have children. Try this experiment, ask people with children and without, why they have or would like to have children. The answers would range from I want someone to carry forward the family line; they will be my support in old age; I would feel incomplete; there's social pressure; I want to live my life through them; it's a great high for me if my children do well... You will notice, very few will actually say, I have children or would love to have children simply because they delight me just by being there, as they are. Of course, I am often told that just because I have two healthy, normal boys, I am complacent enough to have these supercilous notions... Maybe, they're right. But, perhaps too late in life, I have realised that I should have enjoyed my babies more, not just fussed and worried and coached and got impatient, especially with Japi, who turns 17 in a few months. Well, there's no setting the clock back, and of course, there's another day tomorrow to try and be a better parent, to enjoy my children more. And to stop the lecture. Now!

Life & Lemons

We had once carried a food feature in Good Housekeeping which said, 'If life gives you lemons...' It was a collection of recipes using lime and lemon as ingredients. Of course all tried-tested in the GH mode: simple, quick and delicious. But what does one do when life really, really gives you lemons, unexpected ones at that? Choices are limited. You can give in, wallow in paralysing self-pity, keep yourself cocooned in a drunken, thought-blocking stupor or you can make a laundry list of what-can-be-done and get moving. The only problem in opting for the obvious 'good' choice (as we would say in GH) is that the lemon-rich victim begins to get blurred vision: he can no longer see why he should make the 'good' choice, it just doesn't seem worth the effort. Bring on the gin, instead, sort of thing. Recently faced with some kgs of life lemons, I am battling the blurred vision. Not easy. But it may help, I think, to get someone one trusts to clear one's vision and so one can see the way ahead with clarity. Also, do things that you enjoy. Of course, this does not include hitting the bottle, if that happens to be your favourite joy-giving activity! Drinking pushes up the blurr factor after the haze is over. Believe me on this one. I have to go now and try and work at my laundry list of what-can-be done... Till next time.

STARTING TODAY!

Hi,
This is my first-ever attempt at blogging. I have always felt, blogging is a somewhat, self-promoting sort of thing to do... I mean why should you be interested in what I write unless I am Amitabh Bachchan? So why am I doing this? Ok, confession: I am under official pressure to do this, so here goes. Please, if you do happen to visit this blog, tell me when it's getting officious or plain boring... Here's a bit about myself (promise, just a bit): Am married to same man for the last 18 years; have two boys, aged 16 going on 17 and 12 going on 13. Until I began editing Good Housekeeping (GH to us), I didn't know I would really, really enjoy (ok, some days, it's more of 'not mind') doing what I do. What else? I love to eat and drink even more. I am also a pessimist. Both these twin devlils, drink and pessimism, I try to fight on a daily basis and never fail to advise GH readers to try and do likewise since I am convinced (most days) both are vile non-virtues... More about life, family, friends and Good Housekeeping next time...