Friday, May 15, 2009
on marriage & divorce
The man (divorced) says to me, 'You've been married for 18 years? You're practically siblings now!' Yes, therefore I can't divorce. I mean, how does one divorce siblings? I've nothing against the institution, don't get me wrong. What I don't understand is why, if there is no infidelity that you know of (what you don't know, can't hurt you) , no regular beatings or drunken brawls and such like, does a long-term marriage break up? It takes a few years, just months maybe, to know a person. So logically, the break up should happen quickly. Otherwise, 'married-life' simply becomes 'life' and one goes on, though ups and downs, much as you would with a blood relation. The man (divorced) says to me: 'There's boredom. Why be in a life that's killingly routine? The lack of surety in a new relationship, is half the thrill. One can't live the 'now' safeguarding against potential loneliness in old age!' Hmm... Of course, divorced-man-in-relationship has a point. I try and think of Divorce due to Boredom. I'll have to divide the children, the dog, the bed, the house, cars, the books, househelps, bank balance... It's exhausting. And then there's the additional task of procuring a Prince Charming (or even a Prince Decent) who will be ecstatic about a 40-plus, not-thin, not-ugly-but-not-beautiful woman with two teenagers. It's too much. I'll just let it be and stay with the semi-old man and keep the children, the dog, the bed, the house, books, cars, househelps, bank balance intact. Do let me know your thoughts on marriage, old and new.
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hey...being blissfully in marriage is magical..........no way boring ...........i think if you are a boring person yourself(i feel the divorced man is), you can make any situation boring.
ReplyDeleteyou grow together in a marriage, you reinvent yourself, you find so many new things together n share so many things together..........it's so much fun in sharing your life ( somebody has said that everybody wants his/her life to be witnessed by somebody, and to be appreciated i add).......who will be better that a lifetime partner???
what is guaranty that the divorced man will not get bored the second time....and the third time....and then get bored by just repeating the process..ha.....
i know you have to put a bit of effort to fine tune yourself.....to enjoy yourself......my marriage is 11 yr old .....and still new.
I think if in a marriage, individuality is suppressed by either self or spouse and where each person is trying to conform to certain expectations - it will end in divorce.
ReplyDeleteMany women discover their individuality much later (through a relationship maybe or a career where they are appreciated for who they are) thats when life becomes stifling and one needs to breathe - badly.
If there is healthy respect on both sides then it can almost be fun to be together - also ppl who have been together for years at times yearn for freedom but when alone or without family realize how fulfilling life is with all the chaos around!
Divorce due to boredom !Now thats like finding another reason for Divorce and more time for self introspection.
ReplyDeleteWe all change.I loved recieving chocolates earlier now I would love if I got a bag of diapers.The partner who knows this and adapts to this actually can make marriage really blissful. But this requires work from both the sides...right balance of understanding, expectations and space.
Regarding the divorced man, there are people who are happy with Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna and yet there are those who are still awaiting for the sequel....;)Is it about finding the right one or being the right one?
Hmm... will be interesting to see if Rani really had a lifetime of togetherness with Abhishek... Of course, there are couples in second marriages/relationships that work out for always... But yes, I do agree with you on the need for introspection... Is it about finding the right one or being the right one (at whatever stage in the marriage)
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